BlogChatter A2Z Challenge Day 10 – JudgeMentality

“We can never judge the lives of others because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path. ” — Paulo Coehlo

It is very easy to judge people and situation on what it appears from outside, but that perception of a situation or a person might not be genuine, it is a human tendency that we tend to believe what we see, and especially when it is inclined towards something negative, something suspicious.

When we generalize and judge people quickly without taking ample time, we’ve chosen a shortcut to understand that person. It’s superficial of us, and a lack of wisdom within us. We overlook the possibilities, we just Judge, we pass judgement without knowing the truth.

I will share a personal experience, which was not only an eye opener for me but gave me a reality check.

Once there was a lady staying in the same building with a newborn baby, She must be in her late 30’s. She hardly use to talk with anybody around and stayed very low key, people said she never cooked, she did not even have proper utensils in her house, her baby is always messy, what kind of a lady she is and blah blah…and several statements were made on her way of living.

As she was staying on the same floor, people were more curious to gather information about her from me, I never knew anything because they had recently shifted and I believe in giving time to others to settle down. But few of them shared common maid and were making many assumptions based on the information they got from the higher authority, “The Housemaid” I used to listen to these conversations whenever I met with other ladies at the gym or society play area for kids and wore their lens to see her, I started looking at her with all those preconceived notions.

It was just a normal evening when I coincidentally met her on my way to the gym, She was struggling to walk, her brother was supporting her, I just stopped and asked if everything is OK and just in a few minutes of conversation I came across something which shook my soul to the core and left me baffled.

This lady had met with a severe accident five years ago the affects were such that she was in coma for a year and was half paralyzed and had been bedridden for four years and only recently she was much stable and could walk with support and move a little. She decided to conceive, that too after twelve years of her marriage and was struggling hard to manage her daily life. Her right hand was still affected and she could not even hold her newborn. What else could be so hurtful for a mother who can’t even hold her baby? She felt nice talking to me and invited me to her house.

By this few minutes of passing conversation, all the judgement statements people made about her just vanished, and I realized how others perceive the situation and spread the judgement passed by them based on their limited understanding of the situation and others just wear their eyes to see the world and believe it.

When we judge others, we do not define them, we define ourselves.

We easily believe others, we easily judge people based on how they appear from outside, or how they pretend to appear.

Some are judged by their past mistakes, some are judged by their present acts, some on the basis of their lifestyle, some on the basis of there way of dressing up. We are on this continuous Judgementmeter and victim of Judgementality at times.

But the fact is we just cannot judge people, we are more than the bodies we inhabit, they’re little more than clothes, and yet we judge so much by them. We cannot scan a person just by our ignorant eyes which fail to see a person as a human with kindness.

Let’s stop judging others, and relieve them of the heavy burden they are carrying on their shoulders because of us— Anonymous.

P.S: I still visit her, her baby is one year old now and I visit her often. I use to cut her baby’s nails, I loved to oil her hair, I and my daughter enjoyed cuddling her. She is indeed a very happy child.

Much love and gratitude
Priyanka
#VirtualSiyahi
#BlogchatterA2Z #26days26ways
__________________________________________________________________________________________
The #BlogchatterA2Z series is building up right here πŸ™‚

Click here: A2Z Writing Challenge

55 comments

  1. No wonder you are full of compassion and positivity and it reflects in your words too. Each day you pick a topic so relevant yet completely ignored. Judging someone and jumping to conclusions is a sign of being immature and is the worst form of damage you can cause to someone’s self love and self respect. Wish more of us could be patient enough to understand others and be considerate to their silence. Wonderful thoughts, enjoyed it thoroughly. It was really sensitive of you to narrate a personal incidence which further gave credibility to your thoughts.

    • Thank you so much Vibhu.
      The topics I pick are the elements which are responsible for tearing down a person’s spirit or courage.
      When I say I try to spread Mental Health Awareness I want people to understand that how ignorant we have become.
      All these factors are no less than small triggers which could lead to anxiety, depression, panic attack to a person.

  2. It is only the person who is actually going through the pain and anguish who can realize what it actually feels like. It is quite impossible to place yourself in another person’s shoes and understand why he or she acted the way he or she did no matter how imaginative you are. Even psychiatrists, psychologists and criminal psychologists who draw psychological profiles admit they can never be hundred per cent sure of a person’s personality. That being the case, it is extremely flawed to go about judging others on the basis of hearsay or what you yourself feel about them. I have often been asked questions like ‘but why did you not do this or why did you not attempt that?’ when I failed in some very important turns in life. But the trouble I realized was that these people who are asking me the questions do not have the ability to stand in my shoes and think exactly like me. They are asking me these questions because they are viewing the situation from their standpoint based on what they would have sone under similar circumstances. Very few of us have the capacity to realise this fact.

    • Very very well said. Thank you so much for reading and taking out time to add your views.
      I agree with your thoughts and understanding. I also understand that it is not possible to understand others easily but we should atleast not be the reason for someone else’s sorrow.
      I found myself so guilty after I learnd her exact situation because I just listened to others and believed them. But yes I learnd my lesson and now I don’t judge anyone. I be me, I let them be.😊

  3. I just read the best blog post of my life. It’s wonderful and very true. Please stop judging others as you don’t know about them. First, try to get to know about the fact then comment. Heart touching and quite emotional for me.Well done!!!!!

  4. When I was younger I was very quick to judge. Age, experience and wisdom has changed me though, as I realised that everyone has a story they don’t allow you to read.
    The incident with your neighbour is the perfect example of how people are quick to judge. Glad you are not one of those and extended a helping hand to your neighbour instead of pointing an accusing finger like the others did.

  5. A beautiful thoughts conveyed through am equally beautiful story. Yes, sometimes we fail to realise that we are not privy to the entire picture. Whatever is visible may not be the full truth.

  6. We barely know the story of every individual yet it never stops us from passing a judgment. I have become quite unsocial ever since I started writing. But often I’m labeled as arrogant because of my nature. I’ve stopped explaining myself but a tiny corner of the heart still gets disturbed thinking of the unfairness of it

    • True! I can resonate with you here, I love the way you speak up my mind everytime πŸ˜ƒ I am too labeled as arrogant and attitude wali these days for same reason but yes kis kis ko samjhaye ki ye humara alfazo se ishq hai…likhne ka nasha hai πŸ˜ƒ

  7. Judging other people is not good because we never know what the other person has gone through or what the other person is like. Like you never knew what had happened to the lady. Also, aptly said, “When we judge others, we do not define them, we define ourselves.”

  8. Judging others, comparing others with our own selves is a human nature. We feel good and superior by putting others down. I think the maid culture of gaining information is abominable. But again we have no control but to grin and bear. At best we can be at our best behaviour in front of maids. But we cannot stop them from gossiping with other maids or at someone others place. It makes them feel important, useful and well informed. May be also increases their bargaining power. Someone once told me before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

  9. Judgemental!! It is ingrained in our outlook I guess. I always wonder what the other person must be growing through and always hand out the benefit of doubt. But I have been on the receiving end and it has been a painful 15 years since my husband passed away. My very own sister has labelled me with outrageous names so what can I say to others. I am a very friendly person and I smile most of the time. I cry only in my room. Many “so called friends” of mine are jealous that I am single. If only they knew what it is to be lonely and how I am battling each day to survive. I am rambling I guess , sorry πŸ™‚ Thats was a great post.

    • No don’t be, rather I appreciate your views and values you add to my post everytime. It helps me to understand the pain others are in yet are fighting to survive and make their ways. I always respect you for that πŸ’œπŸŒ·

  10. Honestly, I was also a part of the same crowd until a few years back who would judge the people in no time. Gradually, with age, time and experience I realized how wrong I was. Today, any judge me for my choices in life. It is very easy to peep into others lives and make opinions. Good that you lend her a sympathetic ear unlike other neighbors of yours.

  11. You touched the deepest corners of my heart with this post dear . Precisely the reason I have trained my mind now to have preconceived notions about anyone. I am so glad you came to know the truth and decided to illuminate the world with the wisdom you gained

  12. Such a wonderful post. It’s so true that whatever the sitaution maybe, we should never be the reason for somebody’s sorrow. Sadly, many don’t understand this simple logic. I wish more and more people read this.

  13. A heart touching incident. I don’t like when people display their ‘smartness’ by judging others. But you know, they are not going to change; this is how they are made!

  14. We are so quick to judge others…and more often than not it turns out that we are wrong. Stop judging and start accepting as they are. Nice important post in the era of trolling.
    #ContemplationOfaJoker #Jokerophilia

  15. What a heart touching story it is! It’s so easy to judge others based on hypothetical opinions but if you are judged the same way, then only you realise how hurtful it may be. Everyone has their own set of issues to deal with. Live your life and let others live theirs.

  16. There`s a story behind every person. There`s a reason why they’re the way they are. But without understanding them or their situation, we judge them. We look down on others, as if we are so much better. Only when we know them, accept them, we realize how wrong we have been. Glad that you connected with that lady, Priyanka and added smiles and sunshine in her life.

Leave a Reply